Monday, February 07, 2005

Dear John Letter Generator.

Is silly old procrastination keeping you from penning the cold, heartless farewell missive which will finally bring your sad, pathetic, and doomed relationship to long-overdue closure?
The Dear John Letter Generator takes the mind-numbing drudgery of traditionally announcing your significant other's impending abandonment, and replaces it with an easy, fun, and altogether painless interactive experience.

The Generator made this letter:

Dear Passive Aggressive Closet Case,
By the time you read this, I'll be hocking your jewelry. I'm sorry for doing this but, you left me no other choice. I think you're swell, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not compatible. You're a Pisces, and I'm vastly superior to you. You like long walks on the beach, you eat mayonnaise-based salads, and enjoy flea markets, and I don't like any of these things. I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said 'Greenish blue-brown.'
But you know what? I still want to be friends. We can totally talk once a year. We had some good times, or so you told me. But please, don't be bitter like last time. That means no holding my parents hostage. And no dissecting my Dalmatian.
Peace Out,
The Generator

[ Dear John Letter Generator ]