Is silly old procrastination keeping you from penning the cold, heartless farewell missive which will finally bring your sad, pathetic, and doomed relationship to long-overdue closure?
The Dear John Letter Generator takes the mind-numbing drudgery of traditionally announcing your significant other's impending abandonment, and replaces it with an easy, fun, and altogether painless interactive experience.
The Generator made this letter:
Dear Passive Aggressive Closet Case,
By the time you read this, I'll be hocking your jewelry. I'm sorry for doing this but, you left me no other choice. I think you're swell, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not compatible. You're a Pisces, and I'm vastly superior to you. You like long walks on the beach, you eat mayonnaise-based salads, and enjoy flea markets, and I don't like any of these things. I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said 'Greenish blue-brown.'
But you know what? I still want to be friends. We can totally talk once a year. We had some good times, or so you told me. But please, don't be bitter like last time. That means no holding my parents hostage. And no dissecting my Dalmatian.
[ Dear John Letter Generator ]